…but I’m not in Austin, Minnesota…

Date: 2011.08.05 | Category: Random | Response: 0

I dunno about anyone else on WordPress but ever since I upgraded to 3.2.1, I’ve gotten about eleventeen brazillionty spam comments. Nothing up until then, and then *BAM!* spamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspam. Eesh.

OMFG2!

Date: 2011.07.07 | Category: OMFG2 | Response: 0

Tonight, I had a bit of a brainstorm. I would like to do a running series, probably weekly, on my blog to showcase the gardens of my friends and family. I’ve seen some of them, and you people are awesome. I have to live vicariously through you, and let me tell you why.

I live in an apartment complex. It’s a decent complex, as far as complexes go, but there’s no place to actually, y’know, garden. The front of our building is west-facing and gets all of the sunlight in the world. It’s a blazing wall of solar goodness on the front. However, there’s also nowhere to actually do any growing-type stuff. I wonder, though, thinking about it, if I could hand a Topsy Turvy on the front stoop from the overhang. Hm. I should ask our property manager about that. If I could put one of those up next year, I’ll have a crapload of tomatoes (and yes, I know, I don’t like tomatoes; I do, however, love pasta, and homemade pasta sauce takes a LOT of tomatoes).

Anyway, back from my little side trip. The back of my building is where the back patio area is, such as it is. My garden cart is back there, sitting, sad, lonely, unused for lo, these last few years. It’s a nice place to sit in the afternoon because it’s east-facing and therefore shaded in the afternoon. Seriously, the back of the house is 10-20 degrees cooler than the front of the house on any given afternoon. It gets shade and lots of it. Sadly, most garden plants aren’t happy in the shade.

Which brings me back to my original premise. I want to feature your backyard/side yard/window box gardens on Give Mama Some Sugar, probably one weekly. I will be sending out some emails in the next few days to solicit stories and photos from people I know, because one of the few Universal Constants is that gardeners looooooooooooooooooooove to talk about their gardens. Hell, more than parents love to talk about their children, gardeners have to talk up their green spaces.

Who’s up for it?

Oh, and the OMFG2? Acronym: Oh, My Friends Garden, Too! I’m so clever sometimes that it’s disgusting.

Friday, Fridayfriday!

Date: 2011.07.01 | Category: Gay, Random | Response: 0

Suck it. I like the song. Well, if it’s remixed well, to within an inch of it’s goddamned life. Which, really, is a rant for another time.

I shoved my way through the rest of yesterday’s article. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I think Dan Savage comes off a little judgey about it, but what works for him and his husband don’t work for me and mine, and it seems that that’s the entire point of the article. I just needed people to tell me that there were valid points and to slog through it.

Honestly, the part that turned me off the most and made me angriest was the last part of the first paragraph and the first part of the second:

She paused, scrunched up her mouth as if she had just bitten a particularly sour lemon and said: “An affair is at least a normal human thing. But tweeting a picture of your crotch is just weird.”

How do we account for that revulsion, which many shared with my wife, a revulsion that makes it hard to imagine a second act for Weiner, like Eliot Spitzer’s television career or pretty much every day in the life of Bill Clinton?

“Revulsion?” Really? That’s the word you chose? Like it’s nearly the most disgusting thing you could think of?

::cleansing inhale::
::cleansing exhale::

One of the odd things that happened during that was that I got asked for advice on a poly relationship. A guy in another city found my profile, and dropped a big long story on me. To sum it up, he’s friends with a couple in his town. He’s always been monogamous. They want to bring him into their relationship as a third. He wasn’t sure what to think about it, because of his ingrained monogamy and because he has jealousy issues. This is what I told him:

Wow. Hm. Well, you may want to sit down and talk to them. Make sure that their relationship is stable and healthy before you jump in. Do they communicate well (not just talking and listening, but communication; do they get each other all the time or know how to ask for clarification without getting agitated?)? How long have they been together? Are they wanting a true triad relationship, or are they looking for a third to be a fuck-buddy? Are you equally attracted to both of them?

One thing that you need to understand about jealousy is that it’s all you. Envy is a very different thing. Jealousy is a useless emotion that stems from an internal ownership feeling (meaning, you get jealous because OMG HE’S MINE!). Learn to control it.

You’ll know it’s right when you know it’s right. Keep in mind that a triad relationship is not one relationship of three people. It’s four relationships (A+B, B+C, C+A, A+B+C); it’s four times as much work to keep a triad relationship viable as it is to keep a two-person relationship viable.

It’s a *lot* of work, but it’s also *VERY* worth it.

I’ve had to time to calm down from the article. There were still things I didn’t agree with, and I do realize that I’m even further to the more liberal side of relationships than either the guy who wrote the article or Dan Savage. Relationships are valid. ALL relationships. Even dysfunctional relationships are valid. Just because we do work within one set of relationship parameters doesn’t mean that they’re not valid models.

Or am I just talking out my ass?

Fidelity vs. Monogamy

Date: 2011.06.30 | Category: Gay | Response: 3

From Merriam-Webster Online:

Definition of FIDELITY
1a : the quality or state of being faithful
b : accuracy in details : exactness
2 : the degree to which an electronic device (as a record player, radio, or television) accurately reproduces its effect (as sound or picture)

Definition of MONOGAMY
1 (archaic) : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime
2 : the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
3 : the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time

They’re not the same thing. If they were the same thing, they’d be the same word with the same meaning. It’s all well and good if you’re for monogamy. Have at it. Be my guest. But when you start rolling your eyes at me or acting like you’re so very much more superior to me because you’re monotonous monogamous and I’m getting laid, I’m going to call you on your bullshit. My relationship is not affecting your relationship one teensy tiny little bit. If your “monogamous” partner is sleeping around and you blame everyone with an open relationship for that? Yeah, I’ma get all up in your shit. It is not my fault that he’s playing on the down-low. Maybe you should keep your man satisfied.

This is coming up because of this article, not because of anything that happened. I couldn’t even make it past the second page because the author was pissing me off so badly (if anyone else finishes it, please tell me if it’s satire, so I can try to force my way through it).

Every relationship is different. Every relationship also has rules. If the first rule of your relationship is “don’t sleep with anyone else” and that works for you, mazel tov. When I play, Leon knows about it. I also try (try; I don’t always succeed) to stay away from guys who are in “monogamous” relationships. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” doesn’t work for the military, and it sure as hell doesn’t work for (most) relationships. Do not presume to tell me how to handle my relationship.

LQ Day 3: [Enter pithy title]

Date: 2011.06.29 | Category: School | Response: 0

Yeah, I couldn’t come up with a title. Maybe tomorrow.

The biggest thing off my to-do list yesterday was that I submitted my Petition to Graduate. I assume they’ll check everything in my current transcript and they’ll tell me it’s okay for me to graduate at the end of the quarter, provided I pass my current classes. I can’t tell you how good it feels to have that done.

My first day of classes went well. Spanish isn’t going to be a large challenge, but it will be a challenge. On the plus side, I don’t need to take my netbook to school this quarter; we’re in a computer lab for Comm200, and there’s no way I could type my notes in Spanish while she’s talking. I would miss way too much. I have to actually watch her talk, for the most part. She lectures about half in Spanish and half in English. I don’t know or remember enough of my Spanish from high school to catch everything, but I’m starting to pick up on a few small things. We learned the alphabet yesterday, something I remembered pretty well. We’ll see what Thursday brings

Comm200? Again, not much of a challenge. Quickbooks and Desktop Publishing are just going to take some motivation to deal with. I need to do some homework tonight for Comm200, and I should probably crack my Desktop Publishing and Quickbooks textbooks. I tried the other night with Quickbooks and fell asleep trying to read it. Yeah.

LQ Day 2: I gots class!

Date: 2011.06.28 | Category: Knitting, School | Response: 3

I’ve got my COMM200 and Spanish 101 class today for the first time. I’ve got everything for my online classes, but these two are in person, and they have nothing posted on Blackboard. I like having Blackboard stuff even for in-class classes; without it, I feel a little lost and somewhat mistrustful of the teachers. We’ll see how that goes. I may also decide to take either my Quickbooks book or my Publisher book and go in early (which is a very distinct possibility). Hm. Maybe not; I’ve gotta pick up my portfolio from my adviser (HI BETH!) and I’m not sure that it’ll all fit in my backpack with my computer and such in there. We’ll see. I may just sit around and knit before class, too. That’s also an option.

I should also do a knitting update. I’ve got a few things to talk about and to show off. Maybe this weekend. It’ll give me time to photograph and block at least one project that I finished.

LQ Day 01: Yes, I know.

Date: 2011.06.27 | Category: School | Response: 0

I know I’ve tried this daily blogging thing before; I’m hoping I make better progress this time out.

I’m trying something new with the internship/job. I’m going to try for business casual on my work days and whatever I want to wear on school days. It’s probably something I should have been doing all along, but I’ve been… well, frankly, lazy and didn’t want to put on pants when shorts would do. Fridays will be jeans, and I’m probably gonna stick with tennis shoes (although, I may change that as well. *sigh*).

So far, and it’s only been a few hours since the quarter actually started, I’m relatively upbeat, even though I didn’t sleep well after getting to bed about 1:00 A.M. and not getting to sleep until after 2:30 A.M. I have only myself to blame, though. The Stardance trilogy has me by the face again. Oooh, speaking of which, I need to make sure The Killers are on the jPod.

Last quarter!

Date: 2011.06.27 | Category: School | Response: 2

In just 12 weeks, I will graduate from Columbus State with my Associate of Applied Science degree. I’m looking forward to September 9 more than I can tell you.

My class schedule this quarter is as follows:

• Monday: BOA 270/271 – Seminar and Practicum. My internship. I’ll be in the Financial Aid department, doing what I can to assist the Scholarship Coordinator. This is the same position I’ve had for the last quarter. I’m very good at what I do, but the project I’m on right now, while incredibly important, is also incredibly huge as well as OMG BORING. However, I get to listen to my jPod, and that makes all the difference. I’ve got PLENTY of books on CD to listen to, and I’m enjoying the heck out of them. Currently, I’m in the middle of Diane Duane’s Young Wizard series (I start A Wizard Abroad tomorrow), and when I get through all of them, I have the Wheel of Time series — in entirety, sans the final book which is to be released in November, I believe — to listen to.
• Tuesday: COMM 200 – Business Communications // SPAN 101 – Elementary Spanish I. BusComm should be cake. Spanish is a class that, if I need to drop a class, I can drop. I just wanted the challenge of an off-class and a language to put on my resume.
• Wednesday: See Monday
• Thursday: See Tuesday
• Friday: See Monday

In addition, I also have online courses:

• BOA 167 – Desktop Publishing. Yay for Publisher! I’m looking very forward to this.
• BOA 113/114 – Quickbooks I & II. Another YAY class.

All told, that’s 17 credits for my final quarter. My advisor looked at me like I came unglued. She may be right. HI, BETH!

Oh, for the online courses, we’re required to participate (well, maybe not necessarily required, but we do get points for participating) in discussion boards. My intro has changed every quarter for these things. The current one is:

I’m Jeremy. I’m 38, have a wonderful partner of 8 1/2 years (who says gay relationships don’t last?), and we have a 4-year-old long-haired dachshund named Belle. I’m a gamer, a knitter (yes, really), I love science fiction and fantasy books.

This is my sixth and final quarter here; if everything goes the way it should, I will graduate on September 9. This is one of my save-for-last classes (Quickbooks I and II are the others), and I’ve been looking forward to it for over a year. I’ve been an administrative assistant for most of the last 15 years. I came back to school in March of 2010 as a way to hone my skills (and, um, CSCC has made sure that they are razor sharp — I was good before I came into the program, but holy crap, have I gotten better; my 3.96 GPA is proof, something of which I’m very proud) and to give myself an added boost in the feeding frenzy job hunt.

Chat me up. I’m kind of awesome.

Yeah. I’m so very ready to graduate.

You missed me. I can tell.

Date: 2011.05.28 | Category: C25K, Knitting, Random, Running, School | Response: 2

Sorry about the radio silence. It’s been A Month At School. Suffice it to say that I barely had time to scratch my ass, but I’ve got a killer portfolio and only a week and a half of classes left.

It seems that I’m being published. Just a short essay (maybe two, I forget) in the back of Barbara Bretton’s next Sugar Maple book. It just blows my mind that four years ago, I didn’t have any idea she existed, and now, because she’s awesome and I’m awesome, it’s a major confluence of awesome. I wrote up my bio for the wordiness that I wrote:

JEREMY BREDESON is a professional administrative assistant (who has very strong opinions about certain fonts — I’m lookin’ at you, Comic Sans and Papyrus), the high priest of one of the oldest cybercovens on the Internet, knits like a fiend, and plays video games like a teenager in his copious spare time. He lives in Columbus, Ohio, with his husband Leon and their very spoiled pretty, pretty princess dachshund, Belle. You can find him at http://www.givemamasomesugar.net (though, you may want to turn off your judgements; he has very few filters and has a mouth like a sailor) and on Ravelry as technocowboy.

Sounds about right, yeah?

Let’s see, what else?

One more quarter of school. If things go the way they should, I graduate on September 9. I CAN’T WAIT. I tossed in a random for-the-hell-of-it class (Elementary Spanish 1), because heaven forbid I stay with a 12-credit quarter. No, has to be ELEBENTY BRAZILLIONTEEN. I went in to talk to one of my teachers (well, okay, not talk; I went in to FREAK THE HELL OUT on her and nearly start crying) yesterday and was told that I’m one of the department’s best students. That’s an amazing feeling, to be honest. I’m proud of the work I’ve done, and I don’t need the recognition. It’s nice to hear, but it’s not needed. I’m in a couple of classes with people who are either graduating next week or with me, and the sheer amount of crazy talent that these people put out is daunting. It also makes me proud to be in school with them. We will rule the world, you know.

Speaking of, have you seen this commercial? Yeah, exactly. Because this is something that admins have known FOR.EV.ER.

I’ve got a few knitting things going on: a mystery shawl-along, three pair of socks (YES, SCOTT, YOURS, TOO), a hat (THIS ONE, TOO, SCOTT), a red hood thingy, two Christmas stockings, and a couple more market bags. I’ve got a few things in the wings, too, that OMG I’M NEVER GOING TO BE DONE KNITTING. I have to get a couple of bags done for a couple of my favorite teachers as thank-you gifts when I graduate.

My running has fallen by the wayside, sadly. I’m going to try to kick myself in the ass about it, though, after the quarter’s over. I’m moving on to Week Two in C25K, and hopefully, I’ll be able to keep it going. I have faith in myself to get it going.

Family by choice

Date: 2011.05.02 | Category: Random | Response: 1

So, I was digging through my computer tonight, and I found this little piece written by a fantastic friend I’ve had for … good lord, 16 years. I’m not sure if she still reads my blog, but this cross-posts to Facebook, and I know she’s over there.

Way back a ways, when I was in college, I found myself working in a coffee shop. I don’t even remember how I got the job… I’m pretty sure it had some kind of informal beginning, with me being in the coffee shop at the precise moment that someone didn’t show up to work, and poof, I was behind the bar, pouring coffee. It was a fine arrangement for me, seeing as I was coming off a bad relationship and this gave me a new place to hide, new people to talk to. The shop itself tried hard to be artistic, with all wood floors, stained glass windows, lots of nooks and books and games, and plenty of furniture and jewelry on consignment. But despite the efforts of the owners to attract what they had hoped would be a more highbrow, intelligent crowd of college students and young writers, mostly they got high school kids taking advantage of the fact that the place allowed smoking, a few of the local crazies, and other various outcasts, loners and people trying to find themselves. And so, several nights a week, I’d find myself seated on a stool behind the bar, serving the occasional coffee or cookie, reading a book, getting paid for being bored.

From my spot behind the bar, there was a door to my right that led down a long hallway to stairs leading down to the main entrance on the street, and on one particular day, I heard that downstairs door fly open. Lots of heavy, purposeful walking followed, and I swear, I could feel the energy of some terribly intense person making his way down the hall. Then through the doorway burst this skinny guy with a huge grin on his face. I don’t remember what he was wearing, and I don’t remember exactly what he said to me. I only remember that he had these crazy brownish yellow contacts in, and that within moments he had pulled up a stool in front of me, made a brief introduction, and then produced an issue of “International Male”, walking me through the spandex and fishnet laden pages, showing me his favorite designs. I obliged, was polite, and thought the whole thing amusing. And as quick as he had arrived, he was gone.

But then it happened again. And again. Every day a variation on the above mentioned encounter. And being stuck behind the bar, with a set work schedule, I couldn’t get away from him. He knew where and when to find me. He had a quick wit, a sharp tongue, and a sense of humor that never failed to make me laugh, both at him and at myself. Soon, that slam of the front door was followed by a salutation of “HEY BREEDER!!!” And somehow, I wasn’t offended. There was simply no place to run. This crazy gay guy loved me, and was determined that we would be friends.

Over time, a short time, we did become friends. I learned that his overt homosexuality was a by-product of being “outed” by assholes at his school, which led him to do quite the conga right out of the closet. He learned that I was a sad person in need of some laughing. We spent days playing cards on the porch, nights out at the gay bars or doing a little porch diving into snow drifts. There was the introduction of friends, the comforts after failed relationships, and I even got to pin his boutonniere on his lapel and stand next to him during his first wedding. But then, as I do from time to time, I moved far, far away.

And you know what that little shit did? He e-mailed one of my new professors at graduate school and told him to take care of me, since he couldn’t anymore. It’s a whole other story, but I can say that I felt loved from over a thousand miles away.

I haven’t seen him in years. He’s moved and moved again, and the miles still stand between us. But we live our lives, we e-mail, we catch up. He’s never far from my thoughts, he’s still very much loved and missed, and one of the best friends I have. And we’ll see each other again someday, have a few drinks, and maybe, if I have the time and can find one, I’ll bring him a copy of “International Male”, and see how the years have changed his tastes.

I love you, too, Breeder, and I miss you a ridiculous amount. Much love, big hugs.