Archive for the ‘Gay’ Category

• Friday, Fridayfriday!

  Date: 2011.07.01 | Category: Gay, Random | Response: 0

  Suck it. I like the song. Well, if it’s remixed well, to within an inch of it’s goddamned life. Which, really, is a rant for another time.

  I shoved my way through the rest of yesterday’s article. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I think Dan Savage comes off a little judgey about it, but what works for him and his husband don’t work for me and mine, and it seems that that’s the entire point of the article. I just needed people to tell me that there were valid points and to slog through it.

  Honestly, the part that turned me off the most and made me angriest was the last part of the first paragraph and the first part of the second:

  She paused, scrunched up her mouth as if she had just bitten a particularly sour lemon and said: “An affair is at least a normal human thing. But tweeting a picture of your crotch is just weird.”

  How do we account for that revulsion, which many shared with my wife, a revulsion that makes it hard to imagine a second act for Weiner, like Eliot Spitzer’s television career or pretty much every day in the life of Bill Clinton?

  “Revulsion?” Really? That’s the word you chose? Like it’s nearly the most disgusting thing you could think of?

  ::cleansing inhale::
  ::cleansing exhale::

  One of the odd things that happened during that was that I got asked for advice on a poly relationship. A guy in another city found my profile, and dropped a big long story on me. To sum it up, he’s friends with a couple in his town. He’s always been monogamous. They want to bring him into their relationship as a third. He wasn’t sure what to think about it, because of his ingrained monogamy and because he has jealousy issues. This is what I told him:

  Wow. Hm. Well, you may want to sit down and talk to them. Make sure that their relationship is stable and healthy before you jump in. Do they communicate well (not just talking and listening, but communication; do they get each other all the time or know how to ask for clarification without getting agitated?)? How long have they been together? Are they wanting a true triad relationship, or are they looking for a third to be a fuck-buddy? Are you equally attracted to both of them?

  One thing that you need to understand about jealousy is that it’s all you. Envy is a very different thing. Jealousy is a useless emotion that stems from an internal ownership feeling (meaning, you get jealous because OMG HE’S MINE!). Learn to control it.

  You’ll know it’s right when you know it’s right. Keep in mind that a triad relationship is not one relationship of three people. It’s four relationships (A+B, B+C, C+A, A+B+C); it’s four times as much work to keep a triad relationship viable as it is to keep a two-person relationship viable.

  It’s a *lot* of work, but it’s also *VERY* worth it.

  I’ve had to time to calm down from the article. There were still things I didn’t agree with, and I do realize that I’m even further to the more liberal side of relationships than either the guy who wrote the article or Dan Savage. Relationships are valid. ALL relationships. Even dysfunctional relationships are valid. Just because we do work within one set of relationship parameters doesn’t mean that they’re not valid models.

  Or am I just talking out my ass?

• Fidelity vs. Monogamy

  Date: 2011.06.30 | Category: Gay | Response: 3

  From Merriam-Webster Online:

  Definition of FIDELITY
  1a : the quality or state of being faithful
  b : accuracy in details : exactness
  2 : the degree to which an electronic device (as a record player, radio, or television) accurately reproduces its effect (as sound or picture)

  Definition of MONOGAMY
  1 (archaic) : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime
  2 : the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
  3 : the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time

  They’re not the same thing. If they were the same thing, they’d be the same word with the same meaning. It’s all well and good if you’re for monogamy. Have at it. Be my guest. But when you start rolling your eyes at me or acting like you’re so very much more superior to me because you’re monotonous monogamous and I’m getting laid, I’m going to call you on your bullshit. My relationship is not affecting your relationship one teensy tiny little bit. If your “monogamous” partner is sleeping around and you blame everyone with an open relationship for that? Yeah, I’ma get all up in your shit. It is not my fault that he’s playing on the down-low. Maybe you should keep your man satisfied.

  This is coming up because of this article, not because of anything that happened. I couldn’t even make it past the second page because the author was pissing me off so badly (if anyone else finishes it, please tell me if it’s satire, so I can try to force my way through it).

  Every relationship is different. Every relationship also has rules. If the first rule of your relationship is “don’t sleep with anyone else” and that works for you, mazel tov. When I play, Leon knows about it. I also try (try; I don’t always succeed) to stay away from guys who are in “monogamous” relationships. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” doesn’t work for the military, and it sure as hell doesn’t work for (most) relationships. Do not presume to tell me how to handle my relationship.

• Don’t say gay!

  Date: 2011.04.25 | Category: Gay | Response: 1

  And whatever you do, think of the childrunz!

  The puritanical bigots in the Tennessee Senate have a bill before them right now banning the words “gay” and “homosexual” from being spoken between kindergarten and eighth grade in Tennessee schools. Banning words is always a good idea, right? Because if you ignore something, it doesn’t exist? Out of sight, out of mind? Yeah, I’ll wait until you’re all done pissing yourselves in laughter over that.

  The bill’s author, Senator Stacey Campfield (who probably showers in his underwear in a public shower, lest anyone know he has a peener), says that the bill is let families decide when it’s okay to talk about the spreading taint of homerseckshooality. Yeah, I know.

  I’ve seen a lot about this on the Internet (or, well, honestly, on Facebook) the last week or so. The most overwhelming response, not surprisingly, is shock and outrage, which I share. The next biggest response is, “Why are we teaching sexuality in school at all? It should be about things that come out of books! Math, language skills, science! If it’s not book-learnin’, it shouldn’t be in the schools anyway!”

  Uh, really? REALLY?? That’s where you’re going with this? Let’s take a closer look at that, shall we?

  That argument is completely invalid unless schools are going to stop mandating physical education classes. I learned NOT ONE THING in PE classes in the 13 years I was in school. Oh, wait, that’s a lie. I learned about favoritism and I learned that dodgeball fucking sucks. There are no books for PE classes; leave that shit at home where it belongs. And before you go off about the arts, let me point out the incredible amount of paper that is printed for songbooks and musical scores and art history books beginning at a very low grade level.

  My first sex education class was at West Elementary School. I was in fifth grade, which would have made me about ten, I believe. Long before that, two of my teachers (Miss Christopherson and .. oh crap, I forgot his name — Carolyn would know) had gotten married. Before that, at least three teachers had been pregnant. All of this is in school, people, and I knew about WHILE I was in school, actively learning, all under the age of TEN. To say that schools are not the right place to teach this kind of thing is unrealistic and, in my opinion, mean and hateful.

  Sure, I could have come to my mom and dad about it, but they weren’t there when I wanted to know about it. The pregnant teachers and the dating teachers and the sex ed teacher were; it was their place to answer those questions.

  Yes, I think all parents should be talking to their children about these things so that teachers don’t have to do it. It’s a wonderful theory, but in the end, that’s all it is: a theory. And why is that? Because parents lie to their children.

  Young Girl: And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf, in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
  Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby too.
  Wednesday: They had sex.
  ~ Addams Family Values

  They tell these kinds of lies. “Oh, the dog went to live with another family on a farm in the country.” “Oh, look what Santa/The Easter Bunny brought!” “The stork brought a new baby! We just had to go pick it up!”

  Of those three lies, it’s the middle one that is the least harmful. It keeps magic alive in the world and gives people a sense of wonder. Not teaching your children about the beginnings and endings of life? That’s just harmful. If a child is old enough to ask the questions, don’t you think you should be mature enough to answer? Please, before you tell your children lies, don’t you think you should figure out if you’re protecting them or protecting yourself?