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A friend of mine on both Facebook and Ravelry has also just started the Couch-to-5K program, and she’s struggling with the timing. We’ve been chatting back and forth all day about it, and how neither of us is a morning person. Last year, when I started running in the morning before work, I came to this conclusion, and this is what I told her on her update:

I’m really, really not a morning person. But there was something about getting up, pre-dawn, putting on my running pants and a hoodie and gloves and a hat, because there was frost on the ground, seeing my breath in the dark-before-the-dawn, and going running. You’ve seen my running shoes. My shoelaces start glowing right before the sun comes up. Then there’s that moment where the light quality changes and the greyness starts getting little touches of color, going from washed out to frost-covered color. When the sun comes up enough to see, it’s this ball of searing orange light that is one of the most beautiful things ever created. The cold goes away. The earliness goes away. The discomfort and pain go away. And then it’s just the running. Until you catch it for yourself, you’re just going to look sideways at this, but I can guarantee you, every runner you know understands this. And someday, you will, too. And that, at the very latest, is when you start calling yourself a runner. It might happen before then, but that moment, that perfection, is when you’re going to be doing this for a very long time.

Someone told me once that when you start running, you’re a runner. That doesn’t seem quite a full fit for me. It took the morning I described above for me to call myself a runner. I haven’t been much of a runner for the last six or seven months, but I still consider myself a runner. I love doing it. It makes me feel good, even when I hurt like fuckin’ hell. But knowing that it will pay off eventually, that I may not be the whipcord kinda guy ever, sweating to the point that I can’t understand why I don’t shrivel up from dehydration and feeling like I can’t get enough water or Gatorade in me, it makes it all worth it. Seriously.


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It seems like I only get inspired to post when I’m moody. I don’t like that, to be honest. I’m not always moody. I can get that way, but I’m not always Eeyore.

I just feel so adrift from everyone and everything. Work doesn’t suck, but it’s a little… uncomfortable? Insecure? Marking time? I don’t even know how to describe it, but no, I don’t really want to go into it.

Leon’s always awesome. As much shit as I give him and as much shit as he puts up with from me (which are not necessarily the same thing), I know he’s always there and always strong for me.

I just don’t feel like I have any passion for anything lately. I said this to someone last week. She said that she doesn’t believe that, that I do have passion, I just need to figure out what it is and how to tap into it to make it work with and for me. I don’t know that she’ll ever read this, but I also don’t think she knows how much that meant to me. And I know fully well that she knows just how difficult that task is as well.

I’m almost 40 years old. I should have a direction, shouldn’t I? I should know by now what I want to do and be when I grow up, right? I mean, I’m evidently very good at being a priest, but I’m not Christian, so there’s not really any way for me to turn that into a career. I’m a decent writer, but I don’t know if I have enough to say to turn that into a career, either.

You know what I’d love to turn into a career? Ridiculously wealthy international playboy. How do I get that job?

In all seriousness, I still think I need to check into our insurance to see if I can’t get a therapist. I don’t know what kind of help someone of that line will be, but I can’t imagine it would hurt. There are just so many positive changes that need to be made in my life that it’s all a bit overwhelming, to be honest. So many things I can see that could change, so much trepidation, so little wherewithal to make the changes.

Maybe a run would help. Maybe I should give that a try. I’ve noticed that my head clears out and my mood improves, even with the pain I deal with when I run. That’s at least some small part of a positive change I can make in my life.


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I set a goal for myself for April 30/May 1. I’m rebooting a few things in my world.

1) Fitness. I haven’t been to the gym in a couple of weeks. I suck at that, evidently. I’m going to start going back, though, since I’m paying for it. I want to get there 2-3 times a week through May, and then try to up that to 3-4 times over the summer. I’m not pushing terribly hard for the “musclebear” thing, but muscle wouldn’t suck. I need to start losing the weight and getting more active. I’m also rebooting my Couch to 5K program, starting April 30. I want to be able to run the whole 5K in December, so I need to start now. Because I suck at commitment to something like this. And there’s nobody who’s willing to do this shit with me. Part of my fitness goals will also be changing my diet somewhat. It’ll be a slower process, but the biggest thing for me will to be phasing out soda. I drink far too much of it, and I want to get rid of all of those empty calories. More water is a good thing, milk and fruit juice are a good thing, iced teas are a good thing. Soda, not so much (he says, cracking open a Mountain Dew).

2) Spirituality. Leon and I have a decent library of spiritual books, and I haven’t read most of them. I’ll be starting with T. Thorn Coyle‘s Evolutionary Witchcraft, and then moving on to The Inner Temple of Witchcraft by Christopher Penczak. After that, we’ll see what happens. I want to try to start meditating more, but I’m terrible at it, so it’ll be a challenge for me. More study is always good, so hopefully, I’ll be able to learn more and feel that connection to the Divine more strongly.

3) Personal. I’m going to set the goal — again! — of blogging at least once a week and more if I can do it. I’ve got a looooooong list of possible topics, and I’ll be pulling from those, as well as updates on health and spirituality. Hm. Perhaps those can be their own posts. Nobody said that blog posts have to be dissertations. They can be short, yes? I’ll still have this post over to LiveJournal, but I may turn off commenting over there. I would rather have people comment on my blog; these posts feel awfully lonely over here, with no comments. Not everyone can see my LJ or the comments.

[FFF] Yay, I’m not alone!

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On February 1, The Leon starts a Biggest Loser-type thing at work. It costs him $20 to do, and the two winners split the money raised (one for most poundage lost, one for biggest percentage lost). That’s all of the details I’ve got. I don’t have any idea how long it runs, but I’m guessing it can’t be for less than six months.

I’m very excited about this, honestly. It’s hard to be the only one in a household who’s trying to get back into shape, especially when it comes to the food aspect of it. That’s our biggest stumbling block, I think. Nearly every meal we eat has a main course (usually some sort of meat, usually pork or chicken), a vegetable (usually corn, and yes, corn counts. If you’re just going to comment to say CORN ISN’T A VEGETABLE BAWK BAWK BAWK, keep it to yourself; there’s not a lot of veggies I can eat and fewer that I like), and a starch (potatoes or rice). It’s a LOT of food, but cutting it down doesn’t seem to be something that we’re very good at.

Starting on Wednesday, though, we start hitting the Weight Watchers cookbooks to figure out what the healthier options are. We’re also going to be digging through the low-sodium cookbook and a couple of other healthier-choices cookbooks. We’ve also got SparkPeople to use as a resource as well.

Then comes the exercise. I think I may introduce The Leon to the body-weight exercises that will help. I know that he won’t be joining me with the running when the weather turns again or at the gym when I join up, but there are DVDs and self-paced workouts that we can both do or that he can do on his own.

And honestly, I prefer to start things like this in February. Half of this county knows January as “Failure to Keep a Gym Commitment” month; February will be nicer that way. Finding a gym, though, that’s the tough part. I have ideas, but I’m not sure how to implement them. Maybe trying the week-long guest pass that it seems like every gym has will help make the decision easier. Anyone wanna help with that search? Because, really, I have to get to a gym and I don’t wanna go alone.

Crossposted from Fat Family Fitness

[FFF] Biggest Loser

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Yeah, that’s kinda me right now. I got the Biggest Loser Cardio Max Weight Loss DVD for myself last week, and I did (most of) my first workout with it tonight. I’m starting way low because, well, I’m a big, giant, fat slob and I don’t want my partner to find me dead of a heart attack when he comes down in the morning.

The thing I love about this line of videos is that the people in the videos, aside from the trainer, are big people. They’re not Evil Blonde Aerobics Bunnies and Giant Humpy Muscleheads. They’re people who need these videos. It’s kind of inspiring, to a point.

I got 25 minutes into a 35-minute workout before I had to stop because I just couldn’t finish. I’m… kind of a self-loathing mess right now. I know I should be proud that I did what I could, that 25 minutes today is better than the zero minutes yesterday, that it’s better than the zero minutes that I’ve done for the last six weeks. I’m having problems getting myself into that mindset, though, and I don’t know how to get out of this shame-and-hate spiral.

Cross-posted from Fat Family Fitness

[FFF] Once More Around the Sun…

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Here we are again, at the beginning of a calendar year. My biggest goal for 2012 (I don’t do resolutions; that’s just setting myself up for failure) is to lose 5 pounds a month. I’m hovering right around 240 pounds right now. That would put me at 180 by December. That’s where I want to be, to be honest. That’s a good weight for me.

I also want to reboot my Couch-to-5K, as well as add a Jillian Michaels workout with resistance bands, as well as a body weight workout that I snagged from SparkPeople. I’m also hoping to mix in a couple of the Biggest Loser workout DVDs (if anyone’s buying, I’m looking at the At Home Challenge, Last Chance, and Cardio Max Weight Loss workouts) and my Wii Fit and Just Dance 2 (and maybe 3, if I get it). I’ve got at LEAST one 5K run planned this year, and I’m hoping to be able to finish a 10K. I’ve got a five-year plan to be able to at least run a half-marathon. I’d love to see a full marathon so that I can jump on Team Reeve and support the Roller Skate a little bit, but I’ll be happy with 13.1 for now.

I need to start making more healthy choices about food. It’s difficult to eat healthy when you’re doing it solo. Hopefully, I’ll be able to convince The Leon to get on the bandwagon with that. Wish me luck. He doesn’t like whole wheat pasta (which I love), and we eat a lot of pasta. That would help our food problems a great deal.

I’m tired of being approximately twelve thousand pounds (I rounded up). I’ve got some great friends behind me on this to keep my fat ass moving. I just need to make myself do it when they’re not around to kick me.

Mirrored from Fat Family Fitness


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48:01 was my time for the Jingle Bell Run.

Here’s the map and my activity level. Started at Nationwide and High. Ran to State street, walked to Fulton, ran to Blenkner, walked to Rich, ran to Gay, walked to Chestnut, ran to the finish.

And still it took me nearly a fucking hour to finish.

Everyone will say that they’re proud of me, that I finished the race, that it’s an accomplishment, that I should be proud of what I did.

Except I’m not. In October, I walked a full 5K two weeks ago in 45 minutes. Seriously, there was no running involved in that 5K, and it was slower than today’s.

I feel like a miserable failure at this, and I don’t know how to not feel like a miserable failure at it.

I do know that this is not the end of my running, and it’s not even the end of me doing 5K running. By next year, I want to be able to run the whole 5K. I may re-boot the Couch to 5K program and call it my C25K Boot-in-the-Ass program.

This is seriously making me feel shitty. More than anything, I feel like I let down my donors. I know I let down myself.

Crossposted from Fat Family Fitness

One Mile

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I went out to do a run today, but instead of the regularly scheduled interval C25K run I had planned (W6D1), I decided I was going to clock my time for the SparkPeople Trick-or-Treat Trot Virtual 5K that The Mom posted about for which I’ve been signed up for a while. I also wanted to kill off a quest over on Fitocracy (Go For A Jog: Run a mile in under 12 minutes; +50 XP).

So I got out there, and I started out on a nice easy jog. My park trail is a quarter mile, so I figured I’d do two jogging laps followed by a walking lap and repeat that four times, and finish off with half a lap of jogging. I also wanted the one-mile time, so I figured I’d start with that.

I’m dumb.

First of all, I didn’t have anything to eat all day before I did this at 5:30pm. I also had only had about 16 ounces of water and a 20-ounce Mountain Dew, so I was clearly not hydrated enough. Disaster befell.

Well, not exactly a disaster. I only made it the one mile instead of the full 5K before I decided to head home. However, that one mile? Yeah. 10m30s. I’m 235 pounds and 38 years old, and I haven’t done any running since high school. I played racquetball in college the first time through, and I did a lot of biking in my 20s, but not anything extremely healthy since then. And I ran a mile in under 11 minutes. I’m pretty damn proud of myself for that!

Feeling a little sick…

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I registered for the Jingle Bell Run today. Here’s my personal page. If you’d like to donate, I’d gladly accept donations. If you’d like to pimp out my page for donations, I’d really appreciate it.

I put on there:

If I make my first goal ($500), I will run in a pink sequined Santa Hat. If I make my second goal ($1000), I will add a pair of green Victoria’s Secret long johns to the ensemble. If I go higher than that, well, we’ll see what I can come up with.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I go higher than $1000, but there will be something. Possibly.

Also, if anyone wants to get me these shoes to run in, I wouldn’t say no, and I’d be very happy. Size 9.5 mens, please.

Mirrored from Fat Family Fitness

FFF: Have you seen my motivation?

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I’m still not doing any exercise. I need to figure out how to motivate myself. It’s… suckful, not having the motivation I need to keep going on this. I hate it, and I know that I’m only five weeks from the JBR.


  1. I need to do more Wii Fit stuff. I mean, seriously, I’ve got the indoor activities at the click of a Wiimote. Why am I not using it? Because I’m fat and lazy. Ta dah!
  2. I need to find out if the parks nearby have any jungle gym equipment. Again, get off my fat ass and walk over there. There are two parks that are 3/4s of a mile from me. That’s a 10-minute walk. Hell, I can take the dog. She’d probably love a good long walk like that. Maybe. Or she’ll hate it and poop on the bed.
  3. I need to find out if the nearby high school will let me run on their track. I have the number. All I need to do is call them. I was told that, since they’re public structures, I should be able to walk or run on the track any time. We’ll see.
  4. I need to come up with a body-weight workout. Fitocracy has easy tracking stuff on the site. I could rack up metric assloads of points just be doing some easy routines. I need to figure out what I could do. Stuff like push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, stuff from elementary PE classes. It’s not rocket science.

This shouldn’t be tough. I just need a kick in the ass. 😛

We’re not going to discuss food yet. One giant hurdle at a time.

How do you keep motivated to work out and/or eat better?

Mirrored from Fat Family Fitness