A lot of people don’t get me. I’m kind of prickly (kind of like a pufferfish is kind of prickly) and I’m kind of sarcastic (kind of like the Pacific Ocean is a bit of a puddle), but it’s all an enormous defense mechanism. I’m incredibly insecure and unsure of myself in a great many ways. As such, I tend to get hurt more easily than people expect.
Also germane to the rest of this post and for those who don’t know, Leon and I are poly. It comes from different places, but it is what it is. It works for us; if it doesn’t work for you, well, then, don’t judge me on mine.
It’s rare that I find anyone that I’m interested in dating, and it’s even more rare to find someone who’s interested in coming into everything that poly is, means, and represents. I never force the issue, but if someone’s interested and can get past society’s diadic mindset, I’m usually open to it.
I found out today that someone who was on that incredibly short list found a boyfriend. I’m happy for him, really I am. It’s what he wants, and he doesn’t have to share. I’m just very sad for me, and I think it’s fair of me to feel that way. Part of the poly mindset is to be able to talk about your feelings and not feel awkward.
This is new for me, the sadness thing. I’m not real keen on it. But I plan to feel it, at least for a short while. And then I will get over it and myself and move on. But until then, you can’t have the happy without the sad.