I don’t (think I) often have existential crises, at least not ones bad enough to warrant talking about them. I’m not so sure about this one.
I feel like I’m not “enough” in a lot of ways, but mostly, lately, it’s been in my career. I’m an administrative assistant, and a damn good one. Is there room for improvement? Of course; anyone who thinks that he or she is perfect at his or her job is an egotistical douchebag who needs therapy. However, I’m very good at what I do.
I feel like I’m not grokking the way “the real world” is running these days. Like I’m going through the motions but I’m not catching the right things at the right time. It’s not necessarily anything that anyone has said or done, really, but just an feeling around the office, like I’m expected to fail or explode or something. I don’t like it, and it’s affecting the way I see the job I do.
What’s shitty about this is that I don’t know if it’s being done on purpose or unconsciously, or if I’m just imagining things. Any of the three is possible and/or probable.
Is this my perfect job? I don’t know. Can I see myself here for a good long time? Yes, if given the chance. There are big changes in office procedure coming up soon (yay, new website! yay, new database!), and I’d like to be here to help affect the changes that inevitably need to be made as well as seeing the effects that come from those changes.
I know I’ve got a big strike against me (in the view of at least one co-worker, and it’s not what you think), but I also don’t feel that strike is necessary for me to do my job. My job is to answer phones, keep the office running smooth, document formatting, database clean-up, represent the office to the best of my ability while not making anyone look bad, and do it all in a timely, awesome manner. For the most part, I feel like I’m doing that.
I’ve got two more months before my six-month review; I guess we’ll see where I am at that point. If this is where I’m supposed to be for a while, I’ll be here. If not, I’m sure the right opportunity will present itself. I just have to have faith that everything will work out the right way.