So, for those of you who don’t know my family, we’re usually pretty sane. -Ish. If you’ve ever seen You Can’t Take It With You, we’re a slightly less eccentric version of the Sycamore family. We’ve had some problems, sure, but who hasn’t? And really, if you’re not on my level of crazy, well, then, you’re the one who’s just a little disturbed, wot?
And the names in this post haven’t been changed. It’s not tough to figure out who my family is, and while I may forgive (some of them), I do not ever forget. Some of this, I’m not terribly proud of, but you know what? I’m not sanitizing any of it just to save face. All of the misspellings are true to the original texts.
Anyway. I got a text from Mom today:
If there was any way possible, I’d put George on the next anything headed east.
Uh oh. Evidently, my youngest brother got himself in some trouble. Again. A few months ago, he went through a break-up. He’s still stuck on her, she’s moved on. He has anger management issues and has evidently been drinking a lot. He was arrested for public intoxication today. Again. The “again” was news to me, but want to help him. And we all know how I can get.
So at 4:30, I sent out the following text message to four of the five friends I have in common with Tasena (George being the one I didn’t send it to – the other four are family members: Sarah, Mom, BJ, and Clare):
If you want to help him get over her, DEFRIEND HER ON FACEBOOK. He can’t move on until all of you make him.
I heard back from Mom (“Okay”) and Sarah (“Oh hell I forgot.”). Didn’t hear anything from BJ, but I didn’t expect to. Over the course of the next hour and change, I was involved with this conversation. My texts are in the normal font, hers are in the italics.
J: Take Tasena off your Facebook.
J: Then you get to deal with George’s bullshit and you don’t get to bitch about it.
C: Um also no.
J: Um, yes, Princess Selfish.
C: Um, no Jeremy.
C: Acquaintences don’t tell me what to do with my life. Plus, I’m trying to keep myself alive so I’m not doing shit for anyone.
C: And you’re only Mom’s favorite cause you’re firstborn. Big woop.
J: No, I’m Mom’s favorite because I’m the only one she hasn’t had to ever worry about or cry over. FUCK YOU.
J: If you think it has anything to do with birth order, you really are as retarded as your pet hobbit.
C: Fuck off Bastard. I was civil with you.
J: Bullshit, you werw. You’ve been a self-centered selfish bitch since you started high school.
C: Like you fucking know me. If it weren’t for my “pet hobbit” I wouldn’t have lived pass high school. Go fuck an ass queer.
J: You hateful, bigoted, redneck fucking CUNT.
C: That, Jeremy, shows how much you know about me.
C: And I’m not scared of the CUNT word.
C: Its just Facebook. You think what I do there affects the real world? They really should stop living together first for him to get over her, don’t you think? George is a big boy. He doesn’t need me to hold his hand. DO NOT mistake that for apathy, I’m more than happy to be there for him. But no one tells me how to live my life or who I associate with.
J: I’m sorry, did I not make myself clear? Let me change that. I want NOTHING to do with you ever again, bigot. Stop contacting ne.
C: You’re ignorant.
J: Spoken like a true homophobic bigot. Stop contacting me.
C: Yeah the chick with the gay brother and who has had multiple girlfriends is the homophobic bigot. Spoken like a true ignorant.
C: You don’t know jack.
J: The girl who tells her gay brother to “go fuck an ass, queer” is the bigot, yes. Stop contacting me.
C: You were being a queer. And insulting me, my choice in a mate and my husband, so I insulted you. Tell me, how does this make me prejudice, intolerant, or hatefull. Ill admit I can be mean when others are mean to me.
J: Stop contacting me.
C: Coward. Make me.
C: You started this conversation first and then proceeded to insult me and my family.
C: You expect to roll over? I don’t think so. I’m a Taylor, retaliation is our tgiu.
C: Seriously, go back and analyze this text thread. I just refuse to let anyone run my life.
So yeah, that’s where I stand. I’m SO VERY DONE with this shit. She’s been nothing but a spoiled, stuck-up, selfish, self-centered, overly-dramatic Jan Brady-acting fuckin’ PRINCESS since she hit puberty. She has blamed her entire family for the mess her life is in. She refuses to take responsibility for her own actions, and she refuses to accept the consequences of her own actions.
I called Mom and vented at her when all of this happened, and I apologized to her for the fact that she will never have all five of her children in the same place at the same time ever again. I told her that if I don’t walk out of wherever Clare is, I’ll be escorted out in the back of a cop car for assault and battery for punching Clare in the head.
You don’t get to call me a queer and expect that there will be no consequences. I want her nowhere near my life. I can’t wish her happiness far away from me. What I can wish for her, though, is that she get everything she deserves.
Mrs. Hansen, you just lost a brother.