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48:01 was my time for the Jingle Bell Run.

Here’s the map and my activity level. Started at Nationwide and High. Ran to State street, walked to Fulton, ran to Blenkner, walked to Rich, ran to Gay, walked to Chestnut, ran to the finish.

And still it took me nearly a fucking hour to finish.

Everyone will say that they’re proud of me, that I finished the race, that it’s an accomplishment, that I should be proud of what I did.

Except I’m not. In October, I walked a full 5K two weeks ago in 45 minutes. Seriously, there was no running involved in that 5K, and it was slower than today’s.

I feel like a miserable failure at this, and I don’t know how to not feel like a miserable failure at it.

I do know that this is not the end of my running, and it’s not even the end of me doing 5K running. By next year, I want to be able to run the whole 5K. I may re-boot the Couch to 5K program and call it my C25K Boot-in-the-Ass program.

This is seriously making me feel shitty. More than anything, I feel like I let down my donors. I know I let down myself.

Crossposted from Fat Family Fitness

5 thoughts on “48:01

  1. I’m going to say I’m proud of you anyway. There is so much to factor into running a 5K. I know it was below freezing here this morning and I am south of you. That is so different from being outside in October weather. Hell, the fact that you were outside for 48 minutes, in running gear, in that weather, is an accomplishment. The terrain is different from what you are used to. Downtown Columbus would have much more pollution than running elsewhere. That always makes a huge difference to me, running at the park vs. running in town where cars are driving alongside us (and I’m in a fairly small town).

    As a donor, I do not feel the slightest bit let down. I am really, really proud. And even prouder that something that disappointed you so much isn’t going to stop you. It is one thing to feel like shit about a run and throw up your hands in defeat. But you feel like crap and plan on working harder. That definitely brought a smile to my face.

    • So, um, allow me to fanboy squee for a moment? I’m a little giddy about you commenting on my blog, to be honest. Seriously. FOR REALZ. 😯

  2. Hey, Joan Benoit! Give yourself a break, eh? Not every race is going to be a PR. If that’s what you expect out of this sport, you’ve set yourself up for some disappointment. If, on the other hand, you took up running to get some exercise, then mission fucking accomplished. I applaud you from the very couch I was sitting on this morning while you were out there freezing your nads off getting fit and raising $750 for the arthritis foundation. Explain to me again, please, why you feel like a failure?

  3. You know that if you paid back all the donors you let down, the ones whose expectations you failed to meet, you would still have $750 for the arthritis foundation. Weren’t you in the top 10 fundraisers, by the way? You’re on the website as the #1 participant!

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