One Mile

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I went out to do a run today, but instead of the regularly scheduled interval C25K run I had planned (W6D1), I decided I was going to clock my time for the SparkPeople Trick-or-Treat Trot Virtual 5K that The Mom posted about for which I’ve been signed up for a while. I also wanted to kill off a quest over on Fitocracy (Go For A Jog: Run a mile in under 12 minutes; +50 XP).

So I got out there, and I started out on a nice easy jog. My park trail is a quarter mile, so I figured I’d do two jogging laps followed by a walking lap and repeat that four times, and finish off with half a lap of jogging. I also wanted the one-mile time, so I figured I’d start with that.

I’m dumb.

First of all, I didn’t have anything to eat all day before I did this at 5:30pm. I also had only had about 16 ounces of water and a 20-ounce Mountain Dew, so I was clearly not hydrated enough. Disaster befell.

Well, not exactly a disaster. I only made it the one mile instead of the full 5K before I decided to head home. However, that one mile? Yeah. 10m30s. I’m 235 pounds and 38 years old, and I haven’t done any running since high school. I played racquetball in college the first time through, and I did a lot of biking in my 20s, but not anything extremely healthy since then. And I ran a mile in under 11 minutes. I’m pretty damn proud of myself for that!

Feeling a little sick…

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I registered for the Jingle Bell Run today. Here’s my personal page. If you’d like to donate, I’d gladly accept donations. If you’d like to pimp out my page for donations, I’d really appreciate it.

I put on there:

If I make my first goal ($500), I will run in a pink sequined Santa Hat. If I make my second goal ($1000), I will add a pair of green Victoria’s Secret long johns to the ensemble. If I go higher than that, well, we’ll see what I can come up with.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I go higher than $1000, but there will be something. Possibly.

Also, if anyone wants to get me these shoes to run in, I wouldn’t say no, and I’d be very happy. Size 9.5 mens, please.

Mirrored from Fat Family Fitness

A lie? From a corporation??

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Say it ain’t so! And before we go any further, let’s leave the moralizing about it being Wal-mart and OMG HOW CAN YOU SHOP THERE!!!!1eleven!! elsewhere, shall we?

Wal-mart has a “Match it!” commercial that’s been getting a lot of airtime lately. They’re trying to pimp out their price matching policy. It is, for the most part, a decent policy. Until you try to use it to price match something on their website with the same product in the store.

I’m trying to lose weight. We all know that. So I’m looking for more accoutrements to help in that quest. So I went in search of said items. I found this item on It’s a good setup. I talked with a friend who’s more fitness-minded than I am (HI, MATT!) and he said it’s a good gateway price and to go for it. So I trekked on down to my local Ghetto Wal-mart and found the item on the shelf. I took it to one of the price-check scanners, and it said that it was $21.37. Not a terrible price, but not the $15 it was advertising online. So I took it up to the service center and asked the guy behind the counter about it. He said that they don’t price match any websites. “Even your own?” I asked incredulously. “Even our own. It’s stupid, I know, but they won’t let me,” he said. So I trekked my happy fat ass back to Sporting Goods, put it back on the shelf (because I was taught to put things back where I found them, and I worked in retail long enough to know that it’s a raging bitch to have to put stuff away after rude customers have just left them wherever they want), and left the store, fuming.

Incidentally, I did check the Ad Match Guarantee when I got home, and it does state that they don’t match Internet pricing. I can see that, when it’s from some other company, but to not match your own site? REALLY?? Why would you do such a thing? I can buy it online for $15 and have it sent to the store for pickup for no cost in shipping. How does this make any sense at all??

FFF: Have you seen my motivation?

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I’m still not doing any exercise. I need to figure out how to motivate myself. It’s… suckful, not having the motivation I need to keep going on this. I hate it, and I know that I’m only five weeks from the JBR.


  1. I need to do more Wii Fit stuff. I mean, seriously, I’ve got the indoor activities at the click of a Wiimote. Why am I not using it? Because I’m fat and lazy. Ta dah!
  2. I need to find out if the parks nearby have any jungle gym equipment. Again, get off my fat ass and walk over there. There are two parks that are 3/4s of a mile from me. That’s a 10-minute walk. Hell, I can take the dog. She’d probably love a good long walk like that. Maybe. Or she’ll hate it and poop on the bed.
  3. I need to find out if the nearby high school will let me run on their track. I have the number. All I need to do is call them. I was told that, since they’re public structures, I should be able to walk or run on the track any time. We’ll see.
  4. I need to come up with a body-weight workout. Fitocracy has easy tracking stuff on the site. I could rack up metric assloads of points just be doing some easy routines. I need to figure out what I could do. Stuff like push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, stuff from elementary PE classes. It’s not rocket science.

This shouldn’t be tough. I just need a kick in the ass. 😛

We’re not going to discuss food yet. One giant hurdle at a time.

How do you keep motivated to work out and/or eat better?

Mirrored from Fat Family Fitness

Really, Etsy? REALLY?

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Say what you will about Regretsy, sometimes they do more than just mock things that deserve the mockery. Such as this little gem.

I have a lot of friends who are independent artists. They work their asses off, and very few of them get the recognition they deserve. When something like the above happens, and a company like Etsy sides with the art thieves instead of the original artists? Yeah, that’s not cool. Not one tiny fucking bit. All of you who are touching yourselves in googly, glitter-covered awe over Etsy need to pay attention to this thing. Etsy doesn’t give two shits about the actual art or the ethics involved with some of the “artists” on their site. If they did, they’d take action against that kind of bullshit. Only, they won’t. Why? Because they’re only interested in getting their own money and not about the integrity of the business. Like any other business.

FFF: Return of the Diva

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Tomorrow, I start back on C25K. I will run in the Jingle Bell Run if it kills me. Which it won’t. And I’ll do it solo, since it doesn’t seem that neither the Princess nor the Drama Queen are going to be joining me. That’s okay, though. That just proves that really, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am the best.

Of course, I’ll be hitting up folks who want to sponsor me in the 5K. I’m poor and am gonna be lucky if I can afford the entrance fee.


It sucks, though, because The Mom and Big Daddy were gonna try to be there to cheer us on, along with The Leon. We were also gonna see if Roller Boy and Jan Brady were gonna come along, and maybe have a family Christmas a little early. That’s okay; if they don’t want to be skinny and be awesome and have family time, I’m okay with that. I’ll carry the burden for the Fat Family.

mirrored from Fat Family Fitness

It’s like Amish magic!

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Sometimes, the silliest things make me happy and proud of myself.

Far and away, my most important super-power is shopping. I don’t mean that I can spend money with the best of them. No, I mean that I can find the perfect gift for anyone, and I can find it at phenomenally low prices. I knit like a fiend, and I’m damn good at it. As well, I’m learning to spin, and I can get pretty damn good singles. I’m also learning how to cook, and I’m learning how to make foods work better for our diet.

Tonight, though, I made butter. Yes, much like the argument Muggles use when I tell them I’m knitting socks, I know, I can get butter at [insert grocery store here] for blah dollars and not have to worry about making it. So very missing the point, darling. I took a quart jar, poured in a pint of heavy cream, screwed the lid on, turned on Castle, and started shaking. By the end of it, I still had what looked like some sort of goo. So I started up Body of Proof. Fifteen minutes into it, I looked at my jar. There was starting to be clear spots in the glass. I watched it while I shook it. All of a sudden, *POOF*! SOLID STUFF AND BUTTERMILK! Holy SHIT, I made BUTTER! I was skeptical, but by the Blessed Saint Elsie (the cow from the Borden logo — whose husband, incidentally is Elmer the Bull, from the GLUE FACTORY! SICK MOFOS!), I HAVE MADE BUTTER! I feel all Tom Hanks in Cast Away.

Yes, I also know that people have been making their own dairy products for millenia. However, this is the first time that I did it. By myself. I feel like the Amish have been hiding their little folk magics away from us on purpose. Just mark this up as one more thing on my Skills List for the Zombie-Pocalypse.

Cafe Writing: Seven Things

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Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter.
~Carol Bishop Hipps

In improvisation, one of our exercises is a game called “Seven Things,” in which we go around in a circle giving each other the challenge, “Give me seven things that [whatever].” We are not going to go around in a circle here, but if you’re drawn to lists, this prompt is for you.

Give me seven of your favorite things about Autumn.

1. Flannel sheets: Oh my god, I love the day that we take off the cool cotton sheets and put on the fuzzy flannel sheets. Just the act of climbing into bed, into the natural warmth of them, makes me all cuddly-feeling.
2. Hot chocolate: I’m not a coffee person. It’s too bitter for me. I love the smell of it, but the taste is yucky for me. I do, however, love hot chocolate, so much that friends and family get me flavored syrups and odd hot chocolates when they see them.
3. Tea: I know that a lot of people drink tea year-round, but I’m not one of them. Tea, for me, is something for the colder times of the year, to help warm up, to help calm down, to help with the nesting and hibernation at those times of the year.
4. Soup: I love me some soups, and, much like tea, I don’t do a lot of soups in the warmer months. Something about a big bowl of homemade creamy cheesy potato soup with homemade bread means that it’s getting colder.
5. Changing of the leaves: I lived in California for seven years. The only times it looked like the hills and/or woods were on fire were when the hills and/or woods were actually on fire. In the midwest and the great plains, where I was born and raised, October looks like the world is on fire. There are as many shades of red and orange and yellow in a Wisconsin woods as there are shades of green in Ireland.
6. Samhain: Witch’s New Year. It’s a time for reflection, for honoring the ancestors, for amazing ritual, for sharing loss and stories with coven and circle and grove, and having friends and family to help with the pain of loss and helping you to move a little farther away from it.
7. Halloween!: Gayest. Holiday. Ever. And yes, I mean that strictly in the most positive sense of the word. I love the candy, the costumes, the awesomeness.

Take up the challenge at Cafe Writing.