To be honest, I feel a little lost. It was an absolutely amazing week, and it just confirmed to me that I will never be the Workshift Coordinator ever again. Met some amazing new people (and one in particular — you know who you are). Had fantastic, transformative magic run over and through me for an entire week.
And now, that time is past again, and I have to dwell in the “Real World” (and, really, the only reason that it’s the “real world” is that there are more people living here than in our community). My re-entry started while I was still high on that energy from Between the Worlds and then quickly bottomed out as I found out that a job that I really wanted was given to another candidate. It was absolutely devastating for me. I tried so hard not to get my hopes up for it, but evidently, I didn’t try hard enough.
Part of what sucks about this is that, for the last 18 months, my entire identity has been about me being in school. Now I [get to/have to] re-invent myself in order to have an identity in the “real world” to which people can respond (i.e., “What do you do for a living?”). As if I’m living to work, not working to live. Whether or not I have a job, I have a career and it’s what I do.
So now begins the Job Hunt. It’s the most demoralizing, hateful thing in the history of ever. All most people do is bitch about having to go to work, how much their jobs suck, blah blah blah. Well, the alternative is to not have a job, and in this shitball of an economy, perhaps you should STFU about your “shitty” job or give it to someone who would appreciate having it.
I don’t want to go back to temping. I’m better than that. I want a real job with real benefits. Temping… sucks. I have never gotten paid what I’m worth at a temp job, and the agencies and clients treat you like you’re slave labor or some kind of leper. It’s shitty to get through a day with nobody talking to you, because they all know that in a week or two, you’ll be gone.
I hate the depressing whininess with which I’m dealing right now. I’ve fucking AWESOME at what I do, and I hate like crazy that employers are such shit right now simply because they can be. And I don’t know how to fix any of that.