Fidelity vs. Monogamy

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From Merriam-Webster Online:

Definition of FIDELITY
1a : the quality or state of being faithful
b : accuracy in details : exactness
2 : the degree to which an electronic device (as a record player, radio, or television) accurately reproduces its effect (as sound or picture)

Definition of MONOGAMY
1 (archaic) : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime
2 : the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
3 : the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time

They’re not the same thing. If they were the same thing, they’d be the same word with the same meaning. It’s all well and good if you’re for monogamy. Have at it. Be my guest. But when you start rolling your eyes at me or acting like you’re so very much more superior to me because you’re monotonous monogamous and I’m getting laid, I’m going to call you on your bullshit. My relationship is not affecting your relationship one teensy tiny little bit. If your “monogamous” partner is sleeping around and you blame everyone with an open relationship for that? Yeah, I’ma get all up in your shit. It is not my fault that he’s playing on the down-low. Maybe you should keep your man satisfied.

This is coming up because of this article, not because of anything that happened. I couldn’t even make it past the second page because the author was pissing me off so badly (if anyone else finishes it, please tell me if it’s satire, so I can try to force my way through it).

Every relationship is different. Every relationship also has rules. If the first rule of your relationship is “don’t sleep with anyone else” and that works for you, mazel tov. When I play, Leon knows about it. I also try (try; I don’t always succeed) to stay away from guys who are in “monogamous” relationships. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” doesn’t work for the military, and it sure as hell doesn’t work for (most) relationships. Do not presume to tell me how to handle my relationship.

Categories: Gay

3 thoughts on “Fidelity vs. Monogamy

  1. Keep reading it. Dan Savage gets talked about (a little too long there) but the essence doesn’t seem to bag on poly. It more bags on people stuck on monogamy while sacrificing integrity/honesty.

  2. Ok, having slogged through all 7 pages, I’d say go finish it. To me, at least, given that the next 5 pages end up explaining what the hell Dan Savage is actually talking about, I read it as one of the arguments where you acknowledge the view you’re actually trying to disprove.

    While I don’t think any of the folks mentioned in the article believe all relationships are the same in terms of needs and what said relationship can survive, the overall view expressed in the end seems to be one of “It isn’t a matter of making a choice, but knowing there are choices available.”

    And as they point out, us gay men and men in general are the ones most comfortable with the idea of sex being something separate from emotional connection. (crappy synopsis, but I’m tired.)

  3. Pingback: Friday, Fridayfriday! | Give Mama Some Sugar

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