Don’t say gay!

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And whatever you do, think of the childrunz!

The puritanical bigots in the Tennessee Senate have a bill before them right now banning the words “gay” and “homosexual” from being spoken between kindergarten and eighth grade in Tennessee schools. Banning words is always a good idea, right? Because if you ignore something, it doesn’t exist? Out of sight, out of mind? Yeah, I’ll wait until you’re all done pissing yourselves in laughter over that.

The bill’s author, Senator Stacey Campfield (who probably showers in his underwear in a public shower, lest anyone know he has a peener), says that the bill is let families decide when it’s okay to talk about the spreading taint of homerseckshooality. Yeah, I know.

I’ve seen a lot about this on the Internet (or, well, honestly, on Facebook) the last week or so. The most overwhelming response, not surprisingly, is shock and outrage, which I share. The next biggest response is, “Why are we teaching sexuality in school at all? It should be about things that come out of books! Math, language skills, science! If it’s not book-learnin’, it shouldn’t be in the schools anyway!”

Uh, really? REALLY?? That’s where you’re going with this? Let’s take a closer look at that, shall we?

That argument is completely invalid unless schools are going to stop mandating physical education classes. I learned NOT ONE THING in PE classes in the 13 years I was in school. Oh, wait, that’s a lie. I learned about favoritism and I learned that dodgeball fucking sucks. There are no books for PE classes; leave that shit at home where it belongs. And before you go off about the arts, let me point out the incredible amount of paper that is printed for songbooks and musical scores and art history books beginning at a very low grade level.

My first sex education class was at West Elementary School. I was in fifth grade, which would have made me about ten, I believe. Long before that, two of my teachers (Miss Christopherson and .. oh crap, I forgot his name — Carolyn would know) had gotten married. Before that, at least three teachers had been pregnant. All of this is in school, people, and I knew about WHILE I was in school, actively learning, all under the age of TEN. To say that schools are not the right place to teach this kind of thing is unrealistic and, in my opinion, mean and hateful.

Sure, I could have come to my mom and dad about it, but they weren’t there when I wanted to know about it. The pregnant teachers and the dating teachers and the sex ed teacher were; it was their place to answer those questions.

Yes, I think all parents should be talking to their children about these things so that teachers don’t have to do it. It’s a wonderful theory, but in the end, that’s all it is: a theory. And why is that? Because parents lie to their children.

Young Girl: And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf, in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby too.
Wednesday: They had sex.
~ Addams Family Values

They tell these kinds of lies. “Oh, the dog went to live with another family on a farm in the country.” “Oh, look what Santa/The Easter Bunny brought!” “The stork brought a new baby! We just had to go pick it up!”

Of those three lies, it’s the middle one that is the least harmful. It keeps magic alive in the world and gives people a sense of wonder. Not teaching your children about the beginnings and endings of life? That’s just harmful. If a child is old enough to ask the questions, don’t you think you should be mature enough to answer? Please, before you tell your children lies, don’t you think you should figure out if you’re protecting them or protecting yourself?

Categories: Gay

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