[Weigh-In] Continuing the downward trend – 5%

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Weigh-in this morning: 225.0 pounds.

That puts me at my first weight goal. It also means I’m at my 5% mark for Weight Watchers. That’s a total of 20.4 pounds lost since we started on April 22. Eleven weeks. That’s 1.85 pounds a week. I attribute a BIG chunk of it to the running for which I’ve recently gained a new-found love.

New weight goal set to 195. This round will be adding weight training on days opposite my running.

I’ve got a new friend from NerdFitness Academy who is moving to town in the next couple of months while his girlfriend gets her PharmD at OSU. He’s gonna help me learn what to do in the gym, so I don’t look like a total tool while I’m there. He’s awesome. And he’s a challenge. Straight bears are …. *SIGH* and straight muscle bears are even worse.

My lowest weight since about 2005, when we were on Weight Watchers in El Cerrito, was 195. I’ve been over 225 since then. I hit 225 last year in October, but I lost motivation and ballooned back up to 240. Thirty more pounds, and I’ll be at my lowest point since 2005. A hundred and ninety-five pounds of prime furry, muscley beef? What’s not to love?

My big “cheat meal” is tomorrow, but I’m gonna hopefully cheat good. Chicken, maybe Thug Kitchen‘s potato salad (with no mayo! It’s AWESOME!), not a lot of crap foods. I may even give the StrongLifts app a chance and hit a gym, just to start my strength training. I’m also starting a new week (Week 5) on C25K, which in itself is a brand new milestone for me. I usually quit on week 4, so we’ll see what kind of ass-kicking I can do to week five.

I’m going to crush the hell out of this, and I’m gonna end up being a hot musclebear in the process. I’ve got a lot more fat to make cry.

Well, hello there, 42…

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I’m on Nerd Fitness. I just posted this as an introductory post. It’s time to kick this pig.

This is a both a new character and a respawn point for me. I don’t do New Years Resolutions; at least, I don’t do them on January 1. It’s an arbitrary date, and I’ve never been one to go along just to go along. I do these things on my birthday (not so coincidentally, today). I joined the Academy as a birthday gift to myself. My mom sent me money, I used it on this. And I’ll be damned if I let my mother down by wasting money. That right there is one of my top goals, to be honest.

I’m 42 today. I am the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. I’m also fat and much more sedentary than I like. A lot of that comes from the brutal winter we’re finally ending. I didn’t want to drive in the snow to get to the gym so I could run and lift. Laziness took over. I’m done with that as of right now.

Tomorrow at 1:00, I’m going running for the first time in weeks. I went once in February because we got a super nice weekend (okay, it was probably about 40 degrees, but I love running in the cold, so long as it’s not too cold) and I’d rather run on streets than on a treadmill. My friend Shane is starting running, after I introduced him to Couch to 5K last fall, right before the White Witch cast her endless winter all over the world. I’m also signed up for a run on Thursday night with a local running club. I’m giddy excited about it.

I started running and working out last year on my birthday, when I weighed in at a jaw-dropping 260 pounds. So not healthy, and I didn’t (and don’t) wear it well. I carry it all up front, and it’s uncomfortable to carry around and to look at. My first weight goal was 225 pounds. I hit that in October. I’m back up to 245 right now, and I’m significantly unhappy. I bought myself some new jeans a couple of months ago, and I can’t fit into them now. I want my good jeans back. I’m also too big for my kilt, and it’s getting dangerously close to kilt weather too. Twenty pounds should come off pretty quickly.

I’ve been working on eliminating soda from my diet. I’ll have maybe two or three a week at this point, but I’m ready for that to go away. I don’t need that crap in my system. Not anymore. Water and tea will be good. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

My first 5K that I’m aiming for is the Pride 5K in June in Columbus. A friend of mine (who said she was inspired by my running and has been running 10Ks for the last year) bought me a shirt to wear. It says “Run like you stole a drag queen’s wig” and I want to be at the front of the pack when this race starts, especially with that shirt.

I won’t lie: I want to be a hot, tight musclebear. I can do that. 190 pounds at 5’11”, furry and meaty and sexy as hell. This is not unachievable. I can, will, and am doing this. It’s happening right now. Mindset is a big chunk of this, hey?


Far Too Long

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It’s appropriate that today is Samhain. I made the conscious decision to turn to paganism and witchcraft 21 years ago today. I realized tonight as I was driving around that I can’t define my path or my practice, and I need both to a great deal. I need to get my happy (or, as it has been lately, not-so-happy) ass back into a practice. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I meant it just as much every time, that I need to start from the ground up and rededicate myself to this endeavor.

If anyone has any suggestions on where to start, please let me know. My first step is The Inner Temple of Witchcraft, by my close, personal friend, world-famous author Christopher Penczak. It even has CDs!  It’s only 300-some pages. I can do that.

I’ve got a kick-ass High Priestess who will help with my Remedial Spelling classes (OMG, that would be a GREAT series of workshops! Need to talk to her about that!!) and get me back on track.

My friend Ryan sent me his outline for putting together a personal practice. I need that more than anything to keep me centered, grounded, steady.

I have never looked back since that October day. I don’t plan to look back, ever. I love my spirituality, I love my faith, I love everything that it has opened up for me. I need to strengthen and reaffirm it. This will happen. It will make me a better person.

So Mote It Be.

Grazing and gazing

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I weighed myself this morning: 259.8.sugarkiss

It’s not the biggest I’ve ever been, but it’s not far off. I set a one-year goal for myself to get down to 225. I’ll still be heavier than I want to be, but 35 pounds is a good first goal in 12 months.

I need to start running again. That starts this week, thanks to the forecast not looking like Hoth.

My food choices need to change. I started eating salads — good salads, not just sad lettuce in a bowl — last week, and they’ve made a huge difference in my day, honestly. I’ve started looking forward to that Cobb salad from Cosi instead of the crap that I usually eat. There will be days when I get the pasta bowl from Piada, but I have other choices. I’m also probably going to start bringing my lunch to work more instead of buying stuff at restaurants. That Cobb salad is great, but I can make and bring two meals (salad and sandwiches) for the $10 cost of that salad. I got some Brain Bread from Beehive Bread Company this weekend; I’d forgotten how awesome that bread is. And it’s not far from work, so I can go up on my lunch break, get a loaf of it (and a pull-apart to eat) and still be back to work on time.

My biggest challenge is getting rid of Mountain Dew. I can do it, though. And maybe I can stave off the ‘Beetus for a little while longer.

Super tired of being fat. Super ready to fix it. Still not all that motivated.


My insecurities are coming back in a HUGE landslide. I hate it. Hate it like fire on my crotch (not that there’s anything wrong if that’s your thang; we all have our kinks). I’m good at my job (I’m not as consistent as I’d like, but that’s a different thing entirely). I have a great office environment and fantastic co-workers. I have a phenomenal husband and friends who are supportive. Someone suggested that I read up on impostor syndrome. I’m not sure about that, but it’s an interesting read. It feels like some sort of social anxiety, to be honest, and that confuses and infuriates me. I’m a strong extrovert, and shit like that just does not happen to extroverts. I should probably try to find a therapist at the very least.

My biggest problem with that, though, is that I’m petrified that I’ll end up on meds that will in some way fundamentally change me, who I am, and how I interact with the world. I don’t want that to happen. Meds would almost make me feel like I’m a failure, like I can’t handle myself and my world.


One of those aforementioned awesome co-workers and I have been talking about trying some exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise. So yesterday, we bought a Groupon for two private ballroom dance lessons and a group dance class. Anyone who pays any attention knows that I’m a huge Dancing with the Stars fan, so this makes me happy. And scared. SO SCARED. I’m going to do it no matter how much I suck at it, but it’s still scary as shit. We’ll see what happens.

“You post the lyrics on your blog…” ***

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*** I think very few people will get this reference, but I think Clay may pee his pants a little when he sees it. YOU’RE WELCOME. My shout-out — let me show it to you!

So, lately, I’ve been a tiny bit obsessed with the song Let It Go from Disney’s latest movie, Frozen. I have yet to see it, but this weekend, I will. I’m pretty sure it all started with seeing the sequence from the movie, and a couple of days later, seeing Court Clark singing a cover of it. And then I listened to it a zillion times. And then my iTunes BROKE, so I can’t even buy the soundtrack! DAMMIT!

So, yeah. This weekend will be a movie. And hopefully fixing my iTunes so I can sing in the car!

And now, the lyrics, after this here jumpy thingy!

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Still Second Class

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So, Leon and I have been together for 11 years. Comingled finances for about 10 1/2 years. Leases, loans, credit cards, everything. Thankfully, he’s always had jobs that offer domestic partner benefits.

Now, he’s unemployed and I have a job. I can get insurance through my employer. The insurance, while decent, is through two different providers, one for medical and one for dental and vision. I was filling out my applications for them today and got to the question about marital status.

Marital Status: Single // Married // Divorced

It’s always a tricky question. We’re not legally married in any state in the country (something that *will* change this year, dammit). If I have to get in on the fucking lawsuit against the state of Ohio to get my 14th amendment rights, I will. In, as my friend Zach says, a cocaine heartbeat.

Let me be perfectly clear about this: none of this is the fault of my employer or the insurance agent. It is completely the fault of the insurance providers. If I was married to a woman, this wouldn’t even be an issue. If I was a single parent, this wouldn’t be an issue.

For those of you who can’t seem to see that this is about creating a second-class distinction, you’re part of the problem. And that makes you one of the biggest fucking douchebags on the entire planet. Those of you who can’t seem to fight for anyone who’s not just like you, same pile of douchebaggery.

I’m so goddamned angry right now that I’m surprised that my hair isn’t on fire. There will be so much pixel death tonight. SO MUCH.

My Insecurity — Let Me Show It To You

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It’s never pretty when one does far too much navel-gazing. I never feel adequate enough. It bothers me a great deal.

I have an amazing husband. Most days, I don’t know why he bothers with me.

I have a great job and fantastic co-workers. It’s an entire office full of knit-worthy people. Seriously. Every single person in this office, I would knit something for. Every day, I feel like I frustrate them and let them down.

I’m very good at my chosen profession. I can not clue in to how to do this job well. And I don’t even know if I’m good enough to keep it. Six months in, I should have some confidence in what I do. Not so much.

I feel like a giant fraud in my faith most days. I know what works for me, but is it fair to try and teach others when I don’t know what works for them? I don’t know what to do anymore.

I haven’t been running in weeks, and I have a 15K this weekend and it’s going to take me 2.5 hours to finish it (it does have an awesome goodie bag, though, so that’s something). I’m somewhat alright with that, but damn, I want to do it faster. I can’t even seem to finish the goddamned Couch-to-5K program and I think I’m going to run a half-marathon in two years? High much?

I feel very, very adrift. Again. Still. And the shittiest part of all of this is that I know that it’s not me with the doubts. I mean, they’re my doubts, but right now, they just feel completely unmanageable. My seasonal affective disorder didn’t hit until January or February last winter, and it was super light for me. This year, it’s already hitting, and it’s hitting hard as fuck.

Two songs have been on repeat in my brain today: Mama’s Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert (“Go on and hide your crazy”) and If You’re Going Through Hell by Rodney Atkins. And now it’s adding Morning Comes by Delta Rae.

I need more light in my world. I need more peace in my world. I need more me in my world. And gods above and below, I need it soon. I hate feeling like I’m losing my shit. I’m terrible at coping with the way the world moves around me, and it’s getting worse as I get older. A year on a remote plot of land with just learning how to be me again. That wouldn’t suck.

Clothing Retailers Are Dumb About Money

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Why do the fashion industry and clothing retailers know nothing about economics?

I ask this, because it’s blatantly obvious that, in addition to being size Nazis who care nothing about body shaming, every single clothing retailer that I’ve ever seen is missing a giant opportunity to make more money.

Have you ever been in a clothing store and seen Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large clothes sold for one price, and XXL and above sold for $2 or more extra? Yes, bigger clothes take more fabric, and yes, that fabric costs more money. However, it’s also demeaning, body-shaming, and embarrassing to plus-sized folks. How about, instead of punishing fat people for being fat, they make all of their prices higher to match the highest price. No, it’s not punishing anyone at that point; everyone pays the same amount. Also, there are more people who buy the smaller sizes, so the stores make more money.

How is this not a good idea? I think it’s brilliant.


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I’m currently listening to Tina Fey read her book Bossypants. It’s a fantastic book, and you should read it. Toby badgered (badgered, badgered) me until I listened to it, and it’s amazing. Thanks for poking at me, Toby.

At one point in the book, Fey is discussing the rules of improv. I smiled and nodded, remembering some incredibly good times. Later, she talks about having to ask Sylvester Stallone to enunciate. She and an experienced writer went to the host’s door, and neither of them had any idea what to do.

Enter my story.

Sometime in, I think, 2005 or 2006, I joined an improv group in San Jose called The Jesters of Yes! Clay was our Artistic Director and he was talking about what to do when ya just got nuthin’. He was on stage talking and said something along the lines of, “There are times when you get up there, look at your scene partner, and just go *boop* and wing it.”

So, Scott and I were the first people up there. We got our scene suggestion, we looked at each other (which is comical in and of itself; I’m 5’11”, Scott is 6’11”), and I just said, “*Boop!*”

Because sometimes, ya just got nuthin’. Clay started laughing, and said, “I didn’t mean actually say ‘boop’!” But really, it was as good of a code as anything else. Everyone in the Jesters knew, from that minute on, that “boop” was code for “You take it.”

No point to the story. Just some nostalgia in my head tonight.

TechnoCowboy’s Never-Ending Quest To Save My [Gender]friend!

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Huge bonus awesome points to anyone who gets the title reference.

I’m a member over at NerdFitness. It’s an AWESOME site that I don’t utilize nearly enough. They do six-week challenges, and the new one was just posted: What’s Your Main Quest? This is my Write-up for my challenge.

I’ve started and stopped Couch-to-5K four or five times in the last two-and-a-half years. I’ve done two 5Ks in there, but I want to be able to run them instead of a combo of running and walking. I have a 5K that I’m signed up for at work on October 5. My goal is to finish C25K in the eight weeks and be able to kick this thing in the taint. That’s 10 weeks. I know this challenge is only 6 weeks. I’ll be extending mine.

I’m running on a Legend of Zelda timeline. Nearly every LoZ game is eight dungeons and a final boss battle, with a crapload of mini-quests. My only mini quest is to also lose 25 pounds while doing this. I can totally do that. That’s 2.5 pounds per week, and that’s nothing, especially a) for a guy (yes, I know that’s sexist, but it’s also kinda true-ish) and b) for someone who hasn’t been actively exercising or changing the way he eats.

So, each week is a different dungeon and each run is the items in the dungeon. For the sake of all of this, and because it’s my (and nearly everyone else’s) favorite, I’ll be using the Ocarina of Time. As I do this, I’ll cross off the run on here. I’m only accountable to myself, but a little encouragement wouldn’t suck, either. :pride:

Week One: Great Deku Tree – Kokiri Emerald – Achieved!
Run 1: Compass and Map – finished 7/31/13
Run 2: Fairy Slingshot – finished 8/4/13
Run 3: Gohma defeated – finished 8/6

Week Two: Dodongo Cavern – Goron Ruby
Run 1: Compass and Map – finished 8/22
Run 2: Bomb Bag
Run 3: King Dodongo defeated

Week Three: Jabu-Jabu’s Belly – Zora Sapphire
Run 1: Compass and Map
Run 2: Boomerang
Run 3: Barinade defeated

Week Four: Side Items (not to scale)
Run 1: Hookshot and Epona
Run 2: Light Arrows, Fire Arrows, Ice Arrows
Run 3: Din’s Fire, Farore’s Wind, Nayru’s Love

Week Five: Forest Temple – Forest Medallion
Run 1: Compass and Map
Run 2: Fairy Bow
Run 3: Phantom Ganon defeated

Week Six: Fire Temple – Fire Medallion
Run 1: Compass and Map
Run 2: Megaton Hammer
Run 3: Volvagia defeated

Week Seven: Water Temple – Water Medallion
Run 1: Compass and Map
Run 2: Longshot
Run 3: Morpha defeated

Week Eight: Shadow Temple – Shadow Medallion
Run 1: Compass and Map
Run 2: Hover Boots
Run 3: Bongo Bongo defeated

Week Nine: Spirit Temple – Spirit Medallion
Run 1: Compass and Map
Run 2: Mirror Shield and Silver Gauntlets
Run 3: Twinrova defeated

Week Ten: Ganon’s Castle
Run 1: Shadow Barrier, Forest Barrier, Water Barrier
Run 2: Fire Barrier, Light Barrier, Spirit Barrier
Run 3: Ganon defeated

That’s a lot of gear. A LOT OF GEAR. I know I’ll only make it through the Fire Temple on this, but I’m challenging myself to make Ganon my bitch.